Fantasy basketball has completely altered and skewed the way I watch an NBA game.  I root for the Heat each and every day.  I want our guys to play well and I want us to win 70 games every season.  However, when I look at my fantasy matchup each night, it doesn't seem to work out that way.  Let's look at the scenario.  I am in two leagues, The Basket's Balls and Hickory.  I went to the Heat game last night against the Portland Trailblazers.  I have Lamarcus Aldridge in both leagues and Greg Oden in Hickory.  In the Basket's Balls League, I was playing against Brandon Roy and Udonis Haslem.   Now here is the tricky part.  Every manager knows that you should always root for your REAL team to win before you root for your fantasy players to play well.  I am having a hard time doing that.  I found myself all game secretly wishing that Lamarcus Aldridge would have a beast of a night, going for 30 and 15 with six blocks.  I also find myself crossing my fingers that 'Donis wouldn't make a single shot he took, and wouldn't get any rebounds.  It was reasonable to root completely against Brandon Roy all game because he's on the opponents team and I'm playing against him, DOUBLE WHAMMY!

Let's take a look at the beginning of the game- Lamarcus takes an ill-advised 18 foot jumper to start the game, brick, Haslem the rebound, Heat take the ball up the court and Haslem drains his patented 12 foot jumper.  Blazers get the ball back and Brandon Roy scores.  Wonderful.  A missed FG for me and 'Donis and Roy get a board and four points in the first 10 seconds of the game.  As the game goes on I find myself rooting for Lamarcus to miss only when Roy would be in line for the assist.   A game like this has so many conflicting emotions I hate watching games now.   This happens every night.  I need to stop watching, but yet, I can't stop watching.  The absolute worst part of last night was that I went to the game with the guy I am playing against this week.  He clapped for every Heat basket, every 'Donis rebound and every Brandon Roy basket.  So in all he was clapping for about 46 minutes out of the total 48.  Lamarcus Aldridge did have 14 with four steals…not too bad, but he shot 6-17 from the field so watching all 11 missed shots hurt me deep down to my heart and soul.

(Side note: The halftime show was a game of Plinko.  The prizes offered were either a wing party for 10 people, 10 free wings to either the upper or lower bowl, an autographed jersey or an autographed basketball.  The contestant got three plinks (is that even a word?) and she wins the prize written on whatever compartment the ball lands in.  I have been to tons of Heat games where they play Plinko, and I have yet to see anyone win the autographed prizes.  This lady last night not only won the ball AND the jersey, but her third plink went in the space between (shout out to DMB) the autographed ball and jersey essentially winning her TWO jerseys and TWO balls.  Of course the event crew said that wasn't an option and they made her plink again.  She then won a wing party for herself.  She was the best plinker I've ever seen.)

And now lets go to Hickory.  Oden finally starts playing again, I have him benched because who knows how he'll play.  I am now rooting for Oden to blow up and have a great game also.  Three points in 16 minutes, I wasn't expecting much more than that.  I feel bad for the guy though- people are ripping on him because they say he's overrated.  Give the guy a break; he's young, he's learning. 

Michael Beasley?  He is a 6'8" guy with lots of skill.  He can almost be comparable to a Booze Crooze type player but what he lacks in rebounding ability he makes up with in three point shooting ability.  Why do I bring him up?  Because he is on Big Eisy's team.  I root against ALL players on any of Big Eisy's teams.  I cheer when Beasley makes a shot because he is on the Heat, but I also cheer when he misses a shot because he is on Eisy's team and that is a missed FG for Eisy.  Again, another roller coaster of emotions that I can't control. 

All in all, I find it impossible to watch a game and root for Heat players to play well when I'm playing against them.  That means I'm really just rooting against myself.  Isn't that wrong?   When you start rooting against yourself, isn't that a symptom of depression and/or some other type of self-loathing condition?   I have decided the solution to my problem is that I am going to start my own league next year and I am going to be managing all of the teams in the league.  This way I always win, no matter what.  I just have to figure out what the buy-in will be because I don't want to risk too much.

I am officially fantasy kryptonite. Throughout my fantasy career, it seems all my players become injured. Last year, I experienced the worst fantasy basketball season in the history of basketball season. And I don’t mean that in an exaggerated manner. Not like when someone says “Oh man, that’s the hottest girl ever.” Then, twenty minutes later at another bar says “Oh, man that’s the hottest girl ever.” You see, I really did have The … worst … fantasy … basketball … season …. EVER.

I won ZERO weeks. That’s right. None. Nada. Zero. Nil. Noll. Hyna. (Special thanks to google translator). Anyway, I challenge anyone to beat that. Go an entire fantasy basketball season without winning a week. How is that possible? Here is the screen shot of my season results:

You think I'm joking? You think I photoshopped those losses in there? I WISH! With the fifth pick, I selected Gilbert Arenas. He was playing for a contract and I had bought a pair of Gil Zero’s. Championshipppppppp. Wrong. He got hurt. Jermanine O’Neal got hurt. I traded for Kevin Martin and got exactly 3 quarters from him before he tears his groin or something in that body region, causing him to miss nearly the next 2 months. At the end of the year, Wally Sczerbiak was my stud. Bad news bears for me.

This year, I found myself lucky that my friends let me back into the season. I was determined to win at least one week. Once I accomplished that, I could call myself a fantasy player again. I prepped for the draft more than I ever have in the past. During my brothers high school pinning ceremony, I had pages upon pages of statistics and draft strategies. Needless to say, my mother was not pleased. Without boring you with the specifics of the drafts, I feel like I drafted a pretty competitive team. I even got a few “nice pick” comments throughout the draft. I was happy. I even named my team The Redeem Team, to honor the redemption of Team USA. This would be the redemption of Jandro (that’s me).

I won week one. But not without some lost soldiers. Michael Redd, who had given me 11 threes for the week, hurt BOTH ankles when he fell on a midget who doubles as Nate Robinson. Peja Stojakovic went down. Ouch for his ankle as well. That’s ok I said to myself. I had drafted enough scorers and three point shooters that it wouldn’t even matter. In the end, Peja even came back earlier than expected, even though I left him and his six three pointers on the bench as a precaution.

Here is where I start to belive the curse of Jandro. Tony Parker, followed the single-best game of his career due to … drumroll …. A twisted ankle. Welcome to the redeem team Tony. Now, while he gets iced down by Eva Longoria, I get to replace him with Beno Udrih for 2-4 weeks.

The moral of the story is, if you ever wish someone injured, trade him to me or ask me nicely to pick him up. I promise you, that in time, he will get hurt.

Adios amigos, if you need me I’ll be checking the injury reports.

I am going to make this real short.

Fantasy Basketball 2007-2008.  I ended the season tied in 6th place with this kid for the last seed in the playoffs. Of course you can't have two guys as the 6th seed.  They gave him the playoff berth because "he ended the previous week with a greater win %".  That freakin' sucks.  Got screwed by the tie break, such crap.

Fast-forward to the end of the 2008 Fantasy Baseball season.  The last week of the season I was playing the kid I was tied in 6th place with.  Whichever of us won the week made the playoffs, and lived to see another day.  Piece of cake right?  Wrong.  We end the week tied 6-6 and they give my opponent the playoff berth on the reasoning that his ERA was lower.  Such crap. Got screwed by the tie break again.

I hate fantasy sports.